I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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