i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
True strength comes from lack of pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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