I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
