I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
