Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
