office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
