I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
