I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
