is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
