You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
