You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
