I am puke
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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