i barfeds in our rink
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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