My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
