Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
