I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
