I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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