i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
