they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
