i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
