I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Enjoy the penises
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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