i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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