I wish life had little blips of pornography
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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