Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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