She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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