lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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