You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
