If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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