I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize