I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
