Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
