Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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