Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
