I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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