We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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