i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
