I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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