I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
