I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
