I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
