Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
