return my video game
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would fuck him just for his dog
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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