So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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