I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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