You can't motorboat a personality
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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