mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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