take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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