i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
