Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
