look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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