I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
