my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
