clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
