just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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