i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
