So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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