you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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