at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
