Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
