Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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