i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
