don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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