I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
