He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
