Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
