my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
